What lies are you believing
as you gaze in the mirror?
Shame internalized from years of thinking you’re
second best
third fiddle
inferior
not as good as...
Parents fight so loud,
What will the neighbors think?
Walk to the school bus stop,
head hanging low.
Shame by association
Becomes an unwanted companion
Fighting words become internalized voices—
devil loves to use those words
Fists with the steady beat of a drum,
The pound of a hammer
drive shame d
o
w
n
deep in muscles and sinews,
embed them deep in bones…
right down to the marrow
You won’t be good enough until you
Make the honor roll every time
You won’t be good enough until you
get the lead in the senior class play.
You won’t prove yourself good enough until you
find someone who will want to marry you.
Who would want to marry you?
You can’t possibly be good enough until you
Get your college degree—
Be the first in the family
It’s your job to make them look good.
It’s your responsibility!
Then people won’t think you’re from “bad blood.”
What lies have you believed
as you gaze in the mirror?
It’s all up to you, you know.
Intellect will raise you above the crowd
Success will prove your worthiness
Maybe the shame will go away when you
Earn your Master’s….
And this accolade
And that award
Collect enough to inflate ego and you
might save face
Garner enough awards to cover the wall
And you might have enough to hide
The crack in the plaster
How about seminary…
That’ll get you a few steps closer
to heaven
But even so
You won’t be good enough until you…
STOP!
The lie is your golden calf
Perfection is the gold
Pride is the idol
There is only One who is perfect.
Seek Me first, my child—it’s the ONLY way.
Seek My face, not theological concept.
Relationship, not intellectual exercise,
It’s not what you do…it’s Who you know
Immerse yourself in My word every day
Allow it to soak it into your heart—
--into the marrow--
A balm to heal deep-seated wounds,
The one true Panacea which destroys old tapes.
I am not interested in earthly credentials!
Praise and worship are the only essentials!
Neither recognition nor award offer salvation
Shame hangs in the shadows of the award collection
Allow My light to pierce the broken places,
to penetrate the dark recesses
Look to me—I am the Golden Key
Allow my love to remove the glaze from eyes
Wearied by the mesmerism of the morning mirror
Allow my grace to wipe away your tears
And my mercy to unlock the inner treasury—
Of Truth—
To soften a heart hardened by years of
Believing the reflection tells the whole story…
You can do nothing to earn My saving grace.
No audience can give you that.
No award can grant you peace.
No accolade is the answer
My Truth is plain and simple.
No college prof can teach it…
No degree can dispense it…
The world doesn’t get it.
Scholasticism cannot grasp it.
Cultural compliance complicates it.
Following Me costs everything
Yet I paid your debt—in full!
You think you’re running the show?
There is nothing that you owe!
Wake up from the illusion that you’re in control.
Rest, trust, that I stand at the helm.
Healing doesn’t come from self-forgiveness
Healing comes from accepting My forgiveness
I love you so much that I allowed
Life to knock you behind the knees
To remind you of your vulnerability
Choose to bow down on bended knee
In sweet surrender, in humility
The irony of surrender as strength
is the mystery!
Let go of your history—
Your life is not a tragedy.
Embrace your new destiny!
You love me that much?
Salvation is free?
I cast myself in the dust before You, Father!
Nothing that I can do
No nothing that I can achieve
I can of myself do nothing to earn it.
You freely gave it to me,
and continue to give it to me, here, right now!
I look in the mirror and see the reflection of
Your beloved child, redeemed, worthy.
Copyright 2014, Katherine Harris Szerdy
